CONTRIBUTIONS

Even though I was an engineering student at the University of Maryland, chemistry was a required course in my day. The Professor, on the first day of class, asked everyone to name the most outstanding contribution chemistry had made to society.
When my turn came, I answered, "Blondes!"

INGENUITY

In one class, the Professor asked anyone to explain how they would measure the height of a building using an Aneroid Barometer. One student, short of knowledge but long on ingenuity replied, "I would lower the barometer on a string and measure the string."

CAPITAL GAIN?

The professor of an economics class asked for an example of unremunerative outlay of capital.
One student replied, "Taking one's sister out to dinner and the movies."

INCIDENTALLY

Jumping back in time again, when I was attending the University of Maryland, I was asked by the bursar's office to pay a $20 "Incidental Fee." I asked them how many incidents that entitled me to.

DROWN ME

A soft whistle came from the rear of the chemistry lab as a really curvaceous coed in a tight-fitting outfit walked across the front of the room.
"Relax," said the whistler's partner, "She's three-fourths water." COACH

A coach was being congratulated on getting a lifetime contract at a famous medical school. "I guess it's all right," he said, "but the last time when the coach had a bad year, the President called him to his office, pronounced him dead, and fired him."